Here comes Peter Cotton Tail;
Hoppin' Down the bunny trail;
Hippity Hoppity;
Easter's on its way
Who doesn't like to set sail in such Easter bliss?
First time cruisers, such as myself, are flushed with high spirits and eagerness. Being on a giant, floating city is astounding! Being on a giant, floating city with 1,700 Aussie's is even better yet!
My mate Patrick and I boarded the Pacific Jewel of P&O Cruise Lines on Easter Sunday, setting course for the Pacific Island countries of Vanuatu and New Caledonia. Firstly, here's some stats on our lil behemoth of a boat:
- 1,950 - passenger capacity
- 730 - crew
- 7 specialty bars
- 2 pools with a jumbo tron
- 245 metres (or 269 yards) in length
The best part of this entire experience: being a lazy blob. Literally your trays were handed to you, your beverages brought to you, your room tidied twice daily. No honest reason to lift a finger (unless to obtain the barman's attention). Unfortunately it's really true that an average cruise passenger gains 2-3 kilos (4-7lbs) on a 10 day excursion. Is there a correlation here?
Check-in and security were a breeze, and being issued with your personalized cruise card to rack up the biggest tab of your life only brings a smile to your face. As I walked up the gangway and entered the ships main lobby for the first time, I was only reminded of how the Titanic sunk or how Poseidon's glass dome ruptured. Anyway, back to being flushed with those high spirits and eagerness (there are no ice bergs and no glass dome, so it's all sweet).
We flipped a U-turn in Sydney Harbour to sail under
the Sydney Harbour Bridge and by the Sydney Opera House/Sydney City Centre.
Once out of the harbour it was full steam ahead for 3 days to our first port of
call: Port Vila, Vanuatu! Now what do I do?
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| The Little Tug Boat that Could Turn Us All Around |
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| To be honest, I always thought the thing was a bit more white; Sydney in background with P&O's Pacific Princes in harbor. |
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| Cya Sydney! |
Now that I've a few days to simply holiday I think I will. First up, scavenger hunt to become acquainted with this behemoth. Fully completed cards in the draw by 8pm tonight get a mega prize! (I didn't win.) [PS this is the time when all the cruise pros make their dinner reservations and reserve shore tours.]
The first day on board is when the ship
heavily promotes their
first 24 hour specials with discounts on
everything. Only discount I chose is the thermal spa package with my "partner" Pat (the couples special was heaps cheaper than individually). All the tax and duty free items I passed on (and it turns out they never stop promoting this). Finally, if you wait until the final hours of the cruise they offered an internet special to help you ensure flight and other travel details were dealt with before arrival. Otherwise I was never connected to that scary world wide web for
9 full days.
Pretty much anyone who knows me would guess I don't openly splurge on health and beauty items. But this thermal spa package was like an early gift from the bank of Mum & Dad (monetary compensation appears unlikely to arrive). Complete with a full-on sauna, herbal room, meditation room, steam room, 4 different shower types and a relaxation room that included 3 different types of water. Well, as I say, it was absolutely delicious!
What? Where am I or was I going with this? Anyway, Pat and I had our dinner with a view of the sunset over the open ocean. No bad, eh:
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| Apparently that's the best one I have. Still B-E-A-U-T-F-I-F-U-L. |
1,2,3 April: Days at Sea
We purchased an inside cabin as this was the cheapest
option. And let’s face this: we are both currently unemployed global travelers. As the cabin is
fully inside, there is no window and thus no light to alert you that
morning has arrived. We both woke up at 9.30am thinking it was 4.30am until our phones advised us otherwise. I needed the sleep (as always).
After beginning our day with a coffee on the ocean we hit up
the Aqua Spa with our thermal pass to think about it, sweat it out, sweat it out further, breathe it in, and finally drink 3 types of water with a complimentary glass of champagne and your book. (And afterwords we had the 3-course fine dining experience.) Being a global traveler is
absolutely exhausting.
Every evening the lovely entertainment team put on variety shows and do silly stuff on stage. Guest entertainers also include a comedian, magician/comedian, adult comedian, and musician (Pat will tell you I despised of Nathan the musician).
Tonight's show included the elderly comedian who couldn't quite keep his storyline straight, spoke in a Scottish mumble and salivated over the first 3 rows. It was mediocre, included-in-the-ticket-price show. If I find his name somewhere I'll let ya all know to just avoid him, and for you Americans that should be fairly easy as he doesn't get out much (he's confined to a ship, for goodness sakes).
The entertainment team gives every passenger plenty of activities to choose from. Trivia to whiskey tasting to lecture on sea life to pool games and bingo. Who would
not enjoy at least one of those activities? For me, I also like some R&R time since this is suppose to be a holiday, right?
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| Sailaway Party |
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| Thermal Spa Relaxation Room |
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| Pat ballroom dancing with a Nanna |
With fairly large swells one evening, the staff placed puke bags throughout the ship. Since leaving Sydney I gradually gained my sea legs, but using the elevator in a continually moving "building" completely freaked me out. That one particular evening with heavy swells was the only time I really felt the motion sickness (sitting in the Marquee show lounge with strobe lights didn't do me any favours). Nothing a bit of rest and some water didn't rectify. Thankfully, no puke recorded (for me, at least).
Now, are you ready for some cruise tips from a first time cruiser?! If you're not, here they are anyway:
- It's good to note how large your port of calls are. Since ours were quite small, resources were limited and thus shore tours booked up quickly. It may be worth your while to pre-book tours before departure online but then you can't surrender them from the terrible rain.
- Know where you're going. What currency do they accept? What language is spoken? What are there normal business hours? What are there normal retail hours? Generally you've only 8-10 hours in a port so knowing all this in advance makes that precious time all the better. (But always remember, it's your vacation, so do whatever makes you smile that day.)
- Here's a grand one from Aunty Sue: record all purchases made! Everyone receives a cruise card, and it's up to you how you want to settle your on-board account. I personally synced up my seemingly limitless credit card so the final day there was no hassle for me. To be fair, the cruise line does let you cap your expenditures so nothing can be purchased above and beyond that. But definitely write it all down. After 10 days on holiday, on a ship being bombarded to spend, it's easy to lose track. (And nobody wants to be the one at reception on the final night begging for the credit card not to be run until after she brings her balance below its limit.) [True story that was.]
4 April: 8-hour Port
Vila, Vanuatu
We disembarked Pacific Jewel at 8.15am for our snorkel tour
in Pango Cove with Mark and Brian. Jaw-dropping awesomesauce! I'm not a big fan of the aquariums, and after seeing this I doubt I'll return to one anytime soon.
You’ll have to do it yourself, as I don’t have one of those fancy underwater cameras. Maybe I should invest?
This was only a 2 hour tour, so after a return to the ship and a quick shower/change, it was time for some culture!
Since Vanuatu has no immigration, you
just walk off the ship to catch a taxi bus. Firstly, I had to pay 2 Australian
Dollars for my passport stamp at the nearest souvenir shop – otherwise it’s
like I was never there. Secondly, Pat and I had to barter our taxi fare to the cultural village with the
approximately 20 or so taxi bus drivers desperate for business.
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| Taxi Bus Drivers waiting in Port Vila, Vanuatu. |
We settled on 20 Australian Dollars (he did way more than just drive us to the village). The taxi bus delivered us to the Ekasup Cultural Village to
learn more about the Ni-Vanuatu (native Venuatuians). Top 5 interesting facts:
1.
Majority of people do not believe in, or use,
modern medicine but rather their tribal medicine.
2.
The guides Nanna lived until 108 (she never
stepped inside a Westernized hospital)!
3.
Ni-Vanuatu never give their medical treatments
out, not even to their families. Apparently it is a way to ensure people remain
connected and visits the ill with their remedies.
4.
Vanuatu is said to be home to around 1 million
people back in the day. Cannibalism has largely reduced this to today’s current
populations of approximately 250,000. The last recorded event of cannibalism in
Vanuatu was 1969. Hungry?
5.
Boys have to wait until they are 6 to join the
hunting/trapping group. By 10 or 12 you’re expected to be on your own. Women,
if sick, are not expected to cook for 2 weeks.
Our taxi bus drive returned to pick us up, as scheduled, to bring us to a small park with an amazing photo op!
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| Port Vila |
After our photo op, our taxi bus driver returned us to the center of town where our plan was to gradually walk back to the ship. During this walk, we stumbled upon a permanent market (as pictured below).
Wandered through soaking up all of those mental images I will never forget. Now we also had to eat at said
market. So far, I have not puked or had the squirts (fingers crossed).
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| Pat eagerly awaiting food. |
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| Eagerly awaited food. |
A few interesting facts about the country of Vanuatu:
1.
The country drives on the right! Bloody hard to
cross the street considering I have been in left-handed driving countries as of
late. Plus, let us be perfectly honest, it is not like the government could
afford such luxuries as road markings.
2.
Two drinks cost us 1,200VAT. That works out to
about 13AUD or 13.35USD
3.
It is hot as hell, also known as tropical. The
sauna had a temperature of upper 80’s with about 90% humidity. 8 hours here was enough.
Yet more noticeable notes to take note of:
- I sincerely thought our taxi bus driver was
going to drive us away to rob us and possibly murder us OR go in to a vicious
underground world. Should not have watched Taken 2 the night before. Also may feel much safer with 6-ish or more folks in the taxi as well.
- Loading docks consist of a handful of guys
chucking boxes off the truck and walking them in to the store. No more
complaining about physical work in ungodly weather conditions.
- There really are not any billboards or
advertising, minus that of Digicel (a prominent mobile phone provider). You can
also top-up your prepay mobile device at handy kiosks randomly located about
town. They heavily advertise being
able to “Update your status anywhere, anytime” on that there Facebook.
- The place has a French influence.
Revoloutionise? Took me a few extra beats to sort that stuff out in me head.
Day 5: 8 Hour Mystery
Island
There are two main activities to do while on Mystery Island,
Vanuatu (population zero). The first is to walk around the island clockwise.
The second is to walk around the island counter clockwise. Each activity is
approximately 45 minutes in duration. Here you have a 360 view of the local
airport (built by the US during WWII). When an airplane is scheduled to land,
locals from the neighboring island pop on over to clear the goats from the
landing strip.
To get to the island, our cruise ship had to anchor a wee
bit off shore and then tender the passengers ashore using the ships tender
boats (aka the life boats we would use if we would hit the ice berg). When is
the last time you stepped off a big boat and on to a small boat in the middle
of the bloody ocean?! Even for a young chap as myself this is a difficult task
to complete.
Other notable sea activities included snorkeling. Of course I
SAW A BLOODY SEA TURUTLE IN ITS NATURAL HABITATI Pat has the pictures for
proof. Otherwise I parked my bum
on the beach and soaked up the intermittent sunrays.
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| Sand crab (red). Coral also not very comfortable to walk on. |
As to what the Mystery is, I don’t know. The cruise director
never advised me of this in our destination guide (and internet is really expensive on board). In other
words, Google it yourself.
Day 6: 9 Hour Isle of
Pines
Welcome to Isle of Pines, New Caledonia, a French territory.
Guess what: official language is French. Guess who never bothered learning any
French phrases, minus Bonjour? This stereotypical American.
Since Isle of Pines has a population of approximately 2,500
and no supermarket, the place is mainly another tourist trap filled with
picturesque beach. Unlike Mystery Island, there were actually organized tours
for this. $69 Australian Dollars got me a 2 hour Island bus tour with Rico, a
natural born Kiwi from New Zealand who has now emigrated to New Caledonia. It
was quite refreshing hearing that Kiwi accent again while touring
caves, memorial sites, churches, markets and beaches.
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| That's a Microsoft Desktop background right there. |
This is an island still rich with tribal tradition and ways
of living. However the Native folk
have Westernized in that they now only have one wife and clothe themselves
fully. Unfortunately, as advised by Rico, the Western tourists take off all
their clothes (I wont comment on the wife thing [some folks take these trips
for business; cough, cough]).
Day 7: Noumea, New
Caledonia
This is the only port of call that was a proper city with a population of 100,000 (can anyone say FREE WI-FI!!) Far too
much to explore to sit on the free wi-fi, mate! However, since it was a Sunday
and this is not a 24/7 culture, the city was essentially closed. No worries
though, the tourist traps opened up for us as we also had to share resources
with our arch nemesis, the
Carnival Spirit.
We took the shuttle to Baie de Lemon, that’s French for
Lemon Bay to muck about the shops and see the grey view (it was an overcast day
unfortunately). After returning to
the central city and mucking about a wee while, we ventured out on local public
transport to visit Tjibaou Cultural Centre. Driver on ligne 40 (I think that means line 40)
was kind enough to get us to our end destination for 210 South Pacific Francs
(XPF) each way. Due to exceptional circumstances, the gift store was closed
that day. Sad day!
After viewing all the native, cultural items (and probably
ending up with Malaria from all those naughty mosquitoes, or mozzies) we
ventured back in to town to return to Lemon Bay for some souvenir shops.
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| Hanging out with this guy at the Centre |
In our rush to explore Noumea, we purchased a hop-on,
hop-off bus pass. Well, the lovely lady told us the last bus leaves the
passenger terminal at 4pm. We waited at Lemon Bay until 4.30pm, waiting for one
of that lovely lady and her bus. At 4.31pm, we decided we needed a cab because
the boat leaves the port at 5pm! Thank goodness the lovely shopping attendant
spoke English and was able to ring the taxi cab, twice, to get it there ASAP.
After spending 1,300 South Pacific Francs to hurridly return us, we arrived at
ship at 5.02pm with 10 other folks. Luckily, that guy and gal from room 9112
didn’t arrive until 15 minutes later…tisk, tisk for making 1,900 other people
WAIT FOR YOU!
Day 8: At sea
(return)
Awake at 9.18am, the ship is rocking up and down as I roll
back and forth in my tiny lil bed. The past 4 days have been utter
deliciousness. So today’s agenda: breakfast, lunch, trivia, bingo, and
tonight’s shows.
WE WERE ONE NUMBER AWAY FROM WINNING $5,000! No worries,
tomorrow the jackpot HAS TO GO so you know I will be at bingo 12 Noon AND 4.15pm
making sure I win the jackpot (which is now $6,000)!!!!!
Day 9: At Sea
(return)
I didn’t win bingo jackpot. So I drank in the bar. Tomorrow
I have to pay the biggest tab of me life. Thank-you.
Have a great day/night with that one!
Cheers,
:D
